


Arceus, Dry Bowser, and Gruntilda: Carpet Quest

by YoshizillaRhedosaurus



Category: Banjo-Kazooie Series, Mario Superstar Baseball (Video Games), Pocket Monsters | Pokemon - All Media Types, Super Smash Brothers
Genre: Action/Adventure, Baseball, Fire, Stupidity, Volcanoes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-25
Updated: 2017-04-15
Packaged: 2018-04-11 13:27:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4437149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YoshizillaRhedosaurus/pseuds/YoshizillaRhedosaurus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arceus, Dry Bowser, and Gruntilda go on a bizarre adventure after getting a letter that details a special treasure that can summon carpets. Why carpets? Because Arceus loves the fabric, Dry Bowser could improve his interior home, and Gruntilda wants to make new enemies... out of carpet.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"So, how long are you going to keep on practicing your baseball skills?" Arceus asked as he was watching Dry Bowser slam several baseballs into the sky by swinging the wooden baseball bat he was holding with his bony hands, with the two hanging out at the volcanic Grumble Volcano racetrack, a race going on, y'know IN THE BACKGROUND.

"As long as I need to, Arc." Dry Bowser explained as he was facing a baseball machine that fired the balls at the reptilian skeleton, who made sure to slam every single hit with a grand smash.

Suddenly Gruntilda Winkybunion came riding by on her broomstick, holding a letter in her green warty hand as she approached the two. "Hey dumb and dumber, look what I got!"

"It's a stone, Luigi. You didn't make it," Arceus joked as he chuckled, levitating some magma hardened rocks out of sheer curiosity.

"Shut up about that!" Grunty snapped as she took a good look at the note she had. "Anyway, I found this while I was doing my swoop training. It says here that there's an inactive volcano that has a load of carpets within it, just waiting to be taken!"

Dry Bowser squinted his eyes as he placed his bony hands on his skeletal hips after letting go of his bat. "Wait. Why would there be a dead volcano containing carpets?"

"Who cares, let's just go there! Any excuse to beat this dump!" Arceus explained as he suddenly got an adventurer outfit on, blasting his Judgement attack at Wendy O' Koopa nearby, causing the lone girl Koopaling to fall out of her small, pink colored koopa clown car.

"Hey! What gives?" Wendy snapped as she watched Arceus jump into it.

"We need this, so... yeah. Sorry." Arceus explained, using his godlike powers to somehow fit Grunty and Dry Bowser into the clown car as he then used Flamethrower to ignite the engines, causing the clown car to blast off the ground and hover into the air, all while losing its orange wheels.

"So, why do you want carpets?" Dry Bowser asked Gruntilda, both of them being on the edge of the clown car as they could barely fit in due to Arceus being so big (for you).

Gruntilda casually brushed her purple scarf that wrapped around her neck. "Well, I haven't had lackies for a while. And I never thought of using clothing as a set, so... I want to start from the bottom all the way up."

"...that sounds painful." Arceus chuckled as he tilted back his llama like head. "Anyway, I like the textures on the carpets, but what really sells me on them if how soft they are. The fabric is something to die for... if I were mortal, of course."

Dry Bowser rubbed his bony hands on his red hair as he shrugged. "I guess I could give my home some much needed remodeling... it may seem weird, but we all are to a degree, huh?"

Arceus and Gruntilda nodded in agreement to Dry Bowser's statement, with the Koopa Klown Kar they were riding in being blasted by a hovering Landmaster, with there being a Landmaster competition going on around a floating, volcanic platform. Arceus then hijacked one of the hovering tanks, proceeding to have completely control over it as he destroyed much of the other Landmasters, with Dry Bowser and Gruntilda offering elemental help on the way.


	2. Chapter 2

Arceus, Dry Bowser, and Gruntilda Winkybunion were riding high into the volcanic sky beyond the Grumble Volcano, none of them knowing exactly where this slumbering volcano containing carpets was, so they decided to take a quick stop to the Candy Kingdom... why? Because Arceus had wanted to have some of its sweet delicacies, and he figured their princess, who was also a woman of SCIENCE, would help them on their quest.

"...and that's how I made tea out of bubblegum." Princess Bubblegum explained to the unimpressed trio of Arceus, Dry Bowser, and Gruntilda as they were all together in Bubblegum's private tower, having tea in her science room.

"And dare I ask, what gave you the inspiration for this...?" Dry Bowser questioned as he was not a fan of bubblegum, glancing out the window to see the candy people playing a game of baseball as the bases were loaded and the baseballs used in question were wads of bubblegum.

Leaning forward, Princess Bubblegum let out a couple of wet farts as bubbles rose from behind her. "Why, my farting, you dumb pile of bones!"

"Of course it did..." Arceus sighed as both he and Gruntilda rolled their eyes in unison.

"Is nearly every girl in the author's fanfics going to have flatulence?" Grunty bemoaned as she adjusted her purple scarf. "Because it's as disgusting a fetish as it is unfunny a joke."

"In fact, on the note of farting," Princess Bubblegum pointed out with a relieved smile as she let out a raunchier poot that created a brown stain on the back of her pink dress, "This reminds me of the time I farted while trapped with a bunch of other girls in the Ice King's tower."

"Great, just what we needed." Arceus, Dry Bowser, and Gruntilda all simultaneously groaned in unison. "A friggin' Family Guy cutaway gag."

As Princess Bubblegum farted while relegating her kidnapped tale, Arceus decided to use his godly powers to see if he could trace where the carpet hoarding volcano was, while Gruntilda left The Room and began setting the candy people on fire, which Bonnibel didn't notice due to Arceus blocking out her mind of anything beyond her bubbly blabbering. Dry Bowser, on the other hand, climbed down the tower for which the conversation was taking place in, noticing a volcano in the distance as he shrugged and temporarily joined in the baseball game, showing off how much he improved at swinging baseball bats since he didn't want to hear a princess tattling about bodily functions.


	3. Chapter 3

"Where's Bonnibel?" Dry Bowser asked Arceus and Gruntilda Winkybunion as they were standing within Princess Bubblegum's castle, the trio wearing tuxedos. "For a ruler of a kingdom with a knack for science, she is taking her time."

"Yeah, it's a substance of which we lack." Gruntilda rhymed as she adjusted her purple scarf, shaking her head. "Why can't we just go without bothering with this pack?"

"Patience, guys. She should be here any moment. Although I'm not getting a signal on here for some reason..."Arceus stated as he glanced around. "That's odd, since I could usually sense where-"

Suddenly the entire castle shook violently, followed by various pink bubbles as the three characters glanced at each other and sighed, realizing that the source was Princess Bubblegum. Of course, since they were on the ground level, they couldn't hear the bassy, tuba like poots Princess Bubblegum tooted out of her literal bubble butt, since she had her private room secured, due to her trying to poop in her brown stained pink tight jeans she got from Marceline.

"Come on... just a few more farts, and I'll have successfully baked brownies in this thing!" Princess Bubblegum exclaimed, as she wanted to have a good excuse to not only do laundry, but essentially be able to leave her mark on something she got from a very good friend she had a certain relationship with.

"Well, that settles it. Let's get out of this stupid Candy Kingdom." Dry Bowser grumbled as he was broken apart in a pile of bones, with Gruntilda and Arceus rebuilding him as his tux fell off his bony body.

"I agree. I'm getting sick just from hearing this gaseous nonsense." Gruntilda added as she dusted off her black hat. "And as you can see, there's nothing logical for me to rhyme with that word, so let's just get out of here already!"

"I don't think this chapter even has anything to do with carpets..." Arceus muttered, only to see several candy citizens running on the royal red carpet and ruining it with their candy substance, causing the Pokemon god to sigh. "Never mind. I was just proven wrong."


	4. Chapter 4

With the gassy Princess Bubblegum proving to be useless, the adventuring trio of Arceus, Dry Bowser, and Gruntilda went back to their quest for being on the lookout of carpets. Riding inside the Landmaster, they somehow went through a warp that opened before them, heading to the fiery planet Brinstar as they suddenly were attacked by the giant green reptilian monster Kraid, who emerged from the magma as he caused them to plummet through the lava, which sent them straight through the underground caverns of Brinstar, making them appear on the Brinstar Depths stage as the lava below was red and black, with Kraid somehow reappearing there as he roared loudly, glaring at the dropping Landmaster with his cold dead red eyes. He then smashed it using a baseball bat.

"Kraid... I haven't actually seen him in action for years..." Dry Bowser reported as he emerged from the Landmaster that was now fully engulfed in the lava.

"He better be a damn good friend of yours," Gruntilda growled as she was on Dry Bowser's charcoal shell, not wanting to get a molten makeover. "Because I don't want to have to do even more chores!"

"Calm down, Grunty. Now's not the time for fear." Arceus stated as he switched over to using a fire plate she had stored within her to make him a fire type, allowing the Pokemon god to easily be immune to the otherwise hot lava of which it was currently standing in. "That comes later. Or in the next chapter, whichever one is more convenient."


	5. Chapter 5

Arceus, Dry Bowser, and Gruntilda managed to escape the molten Brinstar Depths, with them heading up into the fiery Norfair by proxy of Arceus flying as they found no carpets whatsoever below in Brinstar, deciding to try their luck in another burning alien location, being in for quite the surprise as there were many more carpets. But what was unusual was that Ridley was playing baseball.

"What the hell?" Dry Bowser commented, brushing back his red hair.

Gruntilda brushed her black hair with an actual brush, scoffing. "Are you really surprised by anything anymore?"

"Well, you know what they say..." Arceus said as he opened his godly eyes.


End file.
